Relationships are like road trips—exciting, unpredictable, and sometimes a little bumpy. You start off with a full tank of gas, a great playlist, and big dreams of adventure. But if you don’t check the map, refill the tank, and enjoy the journey together, you might find yourselves lost or running on empty.
As a relationship coach and licensed psychologist, I’ve seen what helps couples stay connected and what drives them apart. The 5 proven ways discussed in this blog have helped countless couples I’ve worked with.
"People grow apart when they stop talking about the little things that matter." — Unknown
"A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person." — Mignon McLaughlin
"Love doesn’t just sit there, like a stone. It has to be made, like bread; remade all the time, made new." — Ursula K. Le Guin
These remind us that staying close doesn’t happen by accident—it takes intention and effort. Let’s dive into the five proven ways to build a closer relationship!
1️⃣ Handle Conflict Like a Team
Conflict is inevitable. It can’t be ignored and it doesn’t go away with time. Conflict needs to be addressed, but it doesn’t have to be destructive. The key? Approach disagreements as teammates, not opponents.
Take Jason and Laura for example. They were at their wit’s end, arguing about the same things over and over. Money, in-laws, chores—you name it. Every argument ended with one of them storming off. In couples coaching sessions, I frequently work with clients on shifting their mindset from “me vs. you” to “us vs. the problem.”
Instead of blaming, couples like Jason & Laura start using “we” statements. “How can we figure this out together?” becomes a go-to phrase. They also learn to take a pause when things get heated, then revisit the conversation when they can hear each other without reacting with strong feelings.
Closer couples don’t avoid conflict. They learn how to navigate it in a way that strengthens their relationship rather than tearing it down.
2️⃣ Communicate Like You Actually Want to Stay Together
If there were a secret sauce to happy relationships, communication would be it. But here’s the thing—good communication is about making your partner feel heard, respected, and valued.
Psychology Today highlights that the way couples communicate is often more important than what they communicate. Approaching conversations with warmth, curiosity, and a willingness to understand fosters deeper connection.
Emily and Chris weren’t always at odds. In the beginning, they could talk for hours, losing track of time in effortless conversation. But over the years, something shifted. Their once-playful banter had turned into tense exchanges, and every conversation felt like walking through a minefield.
Chris felt like nothing he said was ever good enough—if he brought up an idea, Emily poked holes in it. If he expressed frustration, she got defensive. Meanwhile, Emily felt like she was constantly repeating herself, unheard and unappreciated. They were caught in a frustrating loop: the more Chris pulled away to avoid conflict, the more Emily pressed for connection. The more she pressed, the more he shut down.
At first, it was just little things—disagreements over weekend plans, stress over work. But over time, it turned into something deeper. They started assuming the worst about each other. Emily saw Chris’s quietness as indifference. Chris saw Emily’s persistence as criticism. Neither one of them felt truly safe in their relationship anymore.
The love was still there, but it was buried under layers of resentment and exhaustion. Every conversation left them feeling more disconnected than before. And that disconnection? It wasn’t just about words—it was about feeling lonely, even when sitting right next to each other.
They needed to reframe their outlook from one of status quo to one of a future where their partner was their favorite person.
Because they were motivated to try some new things to improve their relationship, they agreed to:
Speak with warmth. Instead of jumping in with criticism or frustration, they started conversations with kindness, like, "Hey, I know this is important to you, so let’s figure it out together."
Assume the best. They stopped assuming bad intentions and started giving each other the benefit of the doubt.
Listen carefully. They became attentive rather than anticipating what the other person would say and preparing their response.”
Making these shifts radically changed their communication so they felt less lonely and more understood.
3️⃣ Make Friendship the Foundation
According to research from The Gottman Institute, friendship is the foundation of a strong relationship. Couples who maintain a sense of friendship report higher satisfaction and resilience in their relationships.
Friendship is what gets you through the rough patches, the stressful days, and the inevitable “What do you want for dinner?” debates.
Take Jake and Melissa. After 12 years of marriage, they realized they had become co-parents and roommates rather than true friends. When they first started dating, they laughed all the time, shared inside jokes, and genuinely enjoyed each other’s company. So, in relationship coaching they worked on bringing that friendship back. They started sending each other funny memes during the day, playing their old favorite board games, and praying together before bed.
Take a moment to reflect—what are some fun or meaningful ways you and your partner can strengthen the best-friend side of your relationship? Now pick one of the ways and make a plan to do it this week!
A strong friendship makes the hard days easier and the good days even better. These encouraging couples growing together quotes capture what this means:
"A great marriage is not when the 'perfect couple' comes together. It is when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences." — Dave Meurer
"Love is not about how many days, months, or years you have been together. Love is about how much you love each other every single day." — Unknown
"The best thing to hold onto in life is each other." — Audrey Hepburn
"Marriage is like a plant. If you stop watering it, it starts to wilt."
4️⃣ Prioritize Time Together (Even When Life is Crazy)
Love grows in the little moments—morning coffee chats, inside jokes, and spontaneous dance parties in the kitchen. But life has a way of stealing those moments if we’re not intentional.
Ben and Rachel had three kids under seven, demanding jobs, and a never-ending to-do list. Date nights? Ha! They were just trying to keep up with laundry. But once they recognized the impact that time together had on the quality of their emotional and physical intimacy, they found a way to start having mini-dates at home—once a week take out from their favorite restaurant after the kids went to bed. No phones, no distractions. Just the two of them.
And guess what? They started feeling like a couple again, not just exhausted co-managers of a household.
5️⃣ Make Friendship the Foundation
If you only do one thing from this list, let it be this: a daily check-in. I can’t tell you how many couples have told me this simple rhythm has changed everything for them, and Couple Summit Team agrees! They suggest that small, consistent interactions—like a daily check-in—can significantly improve relationship satisfaction and emotional connection.
A daily check-in is a 10-20 minute moment where you ask each other:
Tell me about your day. What were the highs, the lows?
What else is on your mind?
How can I help you today?
No heavy topics, no deep therapy sessions—just a consistent touchpoint to stay connected.
Take Mia and David. Their days were packed, and by the time they got in bed, they were too exhausted to talk. So, they started doing a daily check-in over coffee in the morning. It became their favorite part of the day. Just a few minutes of undistracted connection to keep them from drifting apart.
Next Steps
Sign up for my FREE 3-Day Couples Connection Challenge. You'll receive emails each day with fun quizzes and conversation starters straight from a Facebook Challenge that group members loved! These aren’t awkward, forced questions—they’re fun, engaging, and designed to help you connect in a way that feels natural and enjoyable. No more sitting across from each other wondering what to say. No more defaulting to just “How was your day?” and getting a one-word answer. Let’s bring back the kind of conversations that made you fall in love in the first place.
Schedule a complimentary 15-minute consultation. Book your time online or email kristin@kristinbarnhart.com to schedule
Join the Hope & Tools Facebook group for tons of support and resources for healthy relationships.
Note: I prioritize my clients’ privacy and never share their personal stories publicly. The experiences shared here are inspired by common relationship patterns and challenges I’ve observed.
©kristinbarnhart www.kristinbarnhart.com 860-333-8773
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